


"So there's like, totally gonna be beer in Asgard, right?"

by WinnietheShit



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, You Have Been Warned, i'm kind of a sporadic updater, tags to be updated with each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:17:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinnietheShit/pseuds/WinnietheShit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because I don't know if I'll be able to make it through, oh, I dunno, VISITING ANOTHER PLANET while I'm sober."</p>
            </blockquote>





	"So there's like, totally gonna be beer in Asgard, right?"

**Author's Note:**

> Am I not supposed to swear in the chapter title?
> 
> Oops.

"You cannot be serious."

"It is only fitting.  After all they've done for us - "

"And what, pray, have they done for us?"

"For _Thor_ , then.  They are his comrades."

"Comrades who brought down a city."

"Forgive me, but I rather think they'd have a hard time of bringing down _our_ city."

"You must mad or joking, woman.  Mortals?  In Asgard?"

"Do not act so appalled!  You already agreed to host two of Thor's mortal friends, what difference will a few more make?"

"I agreed to play host to Thor's beloved and her handmaiden, to _two mortal women_.  Not an _army_."

"An _army_?  What army is composed of a mere five participants?  Besides, my love, I doubt all of them will accept the invitation.  Perhaps two, or three, at most.  From what Thor has told me, they have duties to attend to in Midgard, and they are a dedicated folk.  I find it unlikely that so many of them will be willing to abandon their posts.  There, love, four mortals in Asgard.  Surely a king such as yourself can handle that much?"

"...I suppose I am powerless to object."

"Yes, I suppose you are."

 

*     *     *

 

"What do I even _pack_?"

"Darcy, please, keep your voice down, I'm trying to - "

"It's like, we're going to outer _space_.  It's not like a trip around the world or something, where you can just check the weather, like, this is another _planet_.

"Darcy, I _know_ \- "

"Oh my god, what if the time's weirder there?  Like the days are longer or something?"

"I... hadn't thought of that."

"Oh my god, what if _that_ 's why everyone ages super slow there!  Oh my god!  Oh my _god_!"

" _Darcy_ \- "

"No, serious, Jane, I think I've just made a scientific breakthrough!  What if that's why they live so long?"

"You do realize how many holes there are in that theory, right?"

"Tch, shut up."

"You shut up.  Get back to packing."

"The eternal dilemma, right?  What do I even _pack_?"

 

*     *     *

 

"Tony, you've _got_ to be kidding me.  You have a _company_ to run - "

"You'll do fine without me."

"That's hardly fair - "

"Oh, please, you do most of the running anyway."

"Tony, you can't just take off and leave anytime you want - "

"That's the _opposite_ of what I'm doing.  This is a _planned_ trip.  See?  Look at me, planning it, two months in advance.  You know, I think I've really matured as a person."

"Tony - "

"And I mean, I received an invitation from the queen herself.  I can't refuse the _queen_ , now can I, Pepper?  That's just rude."

"Since when do _you_ care - "

"Pepper.  Please.  This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I've been invited to another _planet_.  It's a cultural experience."

"You are so full of shit."

"Right back atcha.  As if you were really planning on stopping me anyway.  The company will be fine without me for three weeks."

"Fine?  As if.  The company will be _magnificent_ without you for three weeks, since _I'm_ going to be running it."

"There you have it, then."

" _Tony_ \- "

 

*     *     *

 

"So, whaddya say, big guy?"

"Asgard?"

"Yeah.  You know.  The realm eternal.  Home of the Aesir.  All that crap."

"Wiki-Wikipedia?"

"Lookit you, Mr. Tech Savvy."

"Miss Foster's assistant showed it to me.  And Goo-Google.  And YouTube.  I haven't really got the hang of it yet, but she was nice enough to offer to help me out."

"You know she's hot for you, right?  _Jesus_ , Steve, you're like, ninety years old.  Don't _blush_.  Donut hole?"

"No thanks.  I'm trying to cut down on the sweets."

" _Prph_.  So?  Are you coming?"

"You're definitely going, right?"

"Yep."

"I dunno, Tony.  It's just... what if something happens while we're gone?  I think at least a few of us ought to stay behind, you know?"

"Bruce is staying.  He can't go on account of the other guy.  Might not take to well to interplanetary travel methods, you know what I mean?  Thor's suggestion, actually.  And obviously Natasha's not going, just because, she's, well, Natasha.  I haven't asked Barton yet.  He'll probably stay behind.  There.  That's three heroes staying behind to defend the Earth.  Good enough for you?"

"I dunno, Tony.  I'll need some time to think about it."

"Yeah, sure.  Lemme know when you make up your mind."

 

*     *     *

 

"Wait, you're kidding.  You're _kidding_.  YOU'RE KIDDING."

"No, Darcy, I'm not kidding!  And _stop_ screaming!"

"I will _not_ stop screaming!  In fact, _you_ should be screaming too!  Captain America and Iron Man are taking a trip with us  _to Asgard_.  Asgard alone was fucking awesome.  Asgard with Tony Stark and pretty much the cutest spandex-wearing goon on the face of the Earth is _phe-no-me-nal_."

"Oh, shut up."

"Puh- _lease_ , sister, you _know_ you're just not as excited as I am because _yo_ _u've_ already _got_ a sweet hunka-hunka-burnin'-love to pillage your village, okay, so just, you know, just let me squee for a few minutes, 'kay?"

"Your 'few minutes' was up like, half an hour ago, Darcy, and I _really_ need you to type up those notes by this afternoon.  Can you _please_ just tone it down long enough for us to get our work done, and then, I _swear_ , you can 'squee' all you want.  Deal?"

"Deal."

 

*     *     *

 

"Brother, you must think me _mad_ if you want me to - "

"Loki, _please_.  I only ask that you try to be... civil, if not, erm..."

"Warm?  Welcoming?  As open-armed as our beloved mother?  You are a fool to even suggest it, Thor."

"My lady Jane and the lady Darcy are unaccustomed to such splendor.  Asgard alone would be overwhelming for them, let alone the palace.  And they have only known you as he who destroyed their village, and later on tried to destroy one of the greatest cities in their realm."

" _That_ was their greatest city - ?"

" _Loki_.  They are sure to be wary of you, regardless of what I have told them, and it is only _natural_ that they should be... uncomfortable in your presence.  I beg of you, do not heighten their discomfort by playing tricks on them, at least not until they have come to know and love you as I do."

"Three weeks, and you expect them to love me?  Truly, Thor, you - "

"Please, brother.  Do it for me."

"You are a cruel man, do you know that?"

"Only when I need to be."

"Oh, do wipe that smug smile off your face.  You know it doesn't look _half_ so well on you as it does on me."

"Thank you, brother."


End file.
